Discussing money with the people closest to us can be one of the most awkward, emotionally charged, and easily avoided topics, yet it’s also one of the most essential. Whether it’s sharing expenses with a partner, lending or borrowing from a sibling, or splitting vacation costs with friends, Cindy Couyoumjian emphasizes that money shapes our relationships in subtle and overt ways. When these conversations are avoided or handled poorly, they can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, or even damaged relationships.
On the flip side, open, respectful communication about finances can build trust, encourage mutual understanding, and strengthen connections. Cindy Couyoumjian of Cinergy Financial discusses how to talk about money with your partner, family, or friends, without creating tension or discomfort.
Why Talking About Money Matters
Cindy Couyoumjian emphasizes that it’s no secret that money is a common source of conflict. In romantic partnerships, financial disagreements are among the top reasons for divorce. In families, money often becomes a point of contention during inheritances, caregiving situations, or when supporting relatives. And among friends, shared expenses can quickly become awkward if not discussed clearly.
Avoiding money conversations doesn’t make the issues go away; it usually makes them worse. Cindy Couyoumjian understands that silence can breed assumptions, and assumptions often lead to hurt feelings or unfair expectations. Instead of letting unspoken tensions simmer, taking the initiative to talk about money can foster greater respect, clarity, and peace of mind for everyone involved.
1. Choose the Right Time and Setting
The timing and environment of a financial conversation can dramatically influence its tone. Avoid launching into a money talk when someone is stressed, distracted, or emotionally drained. Instead, pick a neutral, private setting where everyone feels comfortable and unrushed. Frame the conversation as a mutual opportunity to get on the same page rather than as a confrontation.
For example, saying “I’ve been thinking about how we manage shared expenses and I’d love to chat about it—when would be a good time for you?” is far more effective than “We need to talk about money now.” Respect for the other person’s emotional readiness and time goes a long way.
2. Be Honest—But Not Harsh
Cindy Couyoumjian of Cinergy Financial shares that when discussing money, aim for honesty balanced with kindness. Avoid blame, accusations, or passive-aggressive remarks. Instead, use “I” statements to communicate your feelings and needs without assigning fault.
For instance:
- Instead of “You never pay me back,” say “I feel stressed when I don’t know when I’ll be reimbursed. Can we come up with a plan that works for both of us?”
- Instead of “You spend way too much,” try “I’ve been thinking about how our spending habits affect our goals, and I’d like to talk through them together.”
Framing the discussion around shared goals and mutual respect keeps things collaborative rather than confrontational.
3. Know Your Numbers First
Before initiating a financial conversation, take some time to understand your own situation. Whether it’s a budget, debt, income, or spending patterns, having a clear grasp of your financial landscape will help you communicate more confidently and accurately.
Cindy Couyoumjian explains that this is especially important in romantic partnerships where shared financial planning is involved. Being clear on what you earn, owe, and spend allows for more productive dialogue about how to merge, separate, or manage finances together.
Similarly, if you’re preparing to talk to a sibling about helping with a parent’s medical bills or to a friend about a group trip budget, knowing your own limits and priorities helps you advocate for yourself without guilt or guesswork.
4. Set Boundaries—and Respect Theirs
Boundaries are a vital part of any financial discussion. Cindy Couyoumjian understands that not everyone is comfortable disclosing their full financial picture, and not every situation requires complete transparency. In friendships, for example, it’s okay to decline invitations or propose lower-cost alternatives without having to explain your entire budget.
Cindy Couyoumjian understands that if someone asks to borrow money and you’re not comfortable with it, you can say no while still being compassionate. A response like, “I care about you, but I’m not in a position to lend money right now. Is there another way I can support you?” sets a clear boundary while keeping the relationship intact.
5. Be Open to Compromise
Not everyone approaches money the same way. What feels like a necessity to one person might seem like a luxury to another. When talking with a partner or family member, it’s important to acknowledge these differences without judgment.
Work toward solutions that reflect both perspectives. Maybe one person values saving aggressively, while the other believes in enjoying some luxuries along the way. Instead of debating who’s “right,” Cindy Couyoumjian explains to look for common ground: Can you agree to a savings plan that includes a budget for fun?
6. Put It in Writing (When Appropriate)
For larger financial agreements, like lending money to a family member, co-signing a loan, or contributing to joint expenses, it’s wise to document what’s been agreed upon. While it might feel overly formal, having something in writing protects everyone involved and minimizes misunderstandings down the line.
Cindy Couyoumjian of Cinergy Financial explains that this doesn’t have to be a legal contract (although in some cases, it should be), but a simple email summary or shared spreadsheet can help ensure clarity.
7. Keep the Conversation Ongoing
Talking about money shouldn’t be a one-time event. In healthy relationships, these conversations evolve over time as life circumstances change. Regular check-ins, whether monthly budget meetings with your partner or casual discussions with a friend planning a shared vacation, keep expectations aligned and prevent financial tension from building up.
Cindy Couyoumjian explains how to make it normal to talk about money. The more you do it, the easier and less awkward it becomes.
8. Don’t Let Shame Drive the Conversation
Many people carry emotional baggage around money, shame over debt, guilt about spending, anxiety about not having enough. Cindy Couyoumjian understands that these feelings can color financial conversations and make people defensive or withdrawn.
Recognize that vulnerability is part of the process. Approach these discussions with empathy, and create space for honesty without judgment. A partner may feel embarrassed about past financial mistakes, or a friend may hesitate to admit they can’t afford an expensive outing. Leading with compassion encourages openness.
Money doesn’t have to be a relationship landmine. Cindy Couyoumjian of Cinergy Financial emphasizes that with thoughtful communication, respectful boundaries, and a little courage, you can make these conversations a source of connection rather than conflict. Whether you’re building a life with a partner, navigating family responsibilities, or making plans with friends, clear and compassionate money talks lay the foundation for stronger, more resilient relationships.
The REALM strategy contains Alternative Investments which are speculative by nature and have various risks including possible lack of liquidity, lack of control, changes in business conditions and devaluation based on the investment, the economy and or regulatory changes. Alternative investments are not appropriate for all investors. No investment process is free of risk, no strategy or risk management technique can guarantee returns or eliminate risk in any market environment. There is no guarantee that this investment model/process will be profitable. Diversification does not guarantee profit nor is it guaranteed to prevent losses.
Registered Representative offering securities and advisory services through Independent Financial Group LLC (IFG), a registered investment adviser. Member FINRA/SIPC. Cinergy Financial and IFG are unaffiliated entities.
